Thursday, July 1, 2010

When will your hand find its self in mine?

So for some reason I have decided to blog again. Be it that we (us bloggers) feel our lives are so important or that we have no one to share our thoughts with, it really comes down to the same desire a need for a voice. So in an effort to have a voice to free my thoughts I have decided to blog but alas I fear it usually ends up the same. You realize that no one reads your blog and then you feel more alone than before but this time in a virtual world that does not exist. You might be thinking I am crazy for suggesting such things but I would like anyone who has facebook to ask yourself if you have ended a session feeling a little more empty than before you went on and looked at your friends pages. It is an interesting feeling that I think is unique to our time. Never before except if you were a celebrity or king could you actually feel like all 900+ "friends" did not think of or like you.

So before starting I would like to provide my reader with a warning: This blog will not be funny. For those of you that read Nikki Christensen's blog know just how funny a blog can be. This blog also will not be beautiful like Ashly Christensen's blog which is very beautiful (I suppose Christensen's just have talent that Bushman's lack) but this blog will be honest. For those of you that know me that is one this I have always possessed honesty to a fault. It seems to just drip from me and often stain everything I touch. So if you fear such things than stop reading now. In addition those of you who love the English Language I am sure have noticed by now just how much I manage to kill our beloved grammar and spelling. I fear this has been a problem for me for years. I remember in high school one of my English teachers simply passing me and saying that I was never going to get it... A similar experience happened yet again in College. What I am saying is I think it might simply be to late for me but I promise to help my children if you keep reading.

You also should be warned about my current frame on mind. This morning when I was in the shower I honestly was getting stressed about this whole blogging business because I though I had to write everything in reverse or my reader would not be able to read it in the correct order. I am also currently on a spiritual quest. As a result there might be a lot of church reference but I think we can all be open minded about such things. Other than that I believe I am still me at the core. Just a little older and full of millions of useless facts about all things medical. I take my boards in just 11 days and I have been studing, well trying to study 12 hours daily. For those of you that I have not talked to in the last 2 years I am in medical school and the longer I stay and the further I go the voice of Mrs. Durham, my AP English teacher, gets louder telling me it was a bad idea. But I guess now it is simply too late so I will continue and hopefully my life will be of use to others someday. I have always felt my life will be complete and I will be able to die happy when I go to sleep knowing I could not have done more to help others. So I guess that is my goal in life and all other things will fall into place. I look at my mom everyday and know her life is just this way. She has always been the most beautiful person in the world to me. Especially now that I am so stressed out my mom has been sitting by me until I fall asleep every night. Now that is love.

So here are somethings I have been loving as of late I thought you might enjoy.

1. a quote: "I will love you in reality and dreams" -Noah and the Whale (I believe the lucky person who this quote makes me think about knows just who they are.)

2. a video: be ready it is amazing. It is called "shape of my heart" by yet again Noah and the Whale.

3. for those of you that a wondering what medical school does to you I think this picture is a fair description. Not in a negative way.

9 comments:

Whitney said...

i love you. Do you really have to have a poll about Logan and Duncan, who in the hell would say Duncan. Yet some one did... this blog is bring up a lot of questions about life. Which I am sure you will try to answer.

NEC said...

I love you and miss you. Will you come to my house this week? I have a watermelon we could eat outside. Ask Whitney about my hammock. Also, can you not tell the whole world my blog is not funny? Love, Nikki

elisa bushman said...

correction made dear nikki

pete said...

whenever i try to study i just end up playing like 8 hours of tetris straight

whitney said...

i am very excited for this. i love you and your mom. i will bring my children to you for you to heal them oneday.. okay?

NEC said...

Thank you Elisa Bushman. I was really worried there for a minute.

A and O said...

This is beautiful beyond beautiful.

mihizzle said...

hey, I don't know if you actually read these comments... I didn't read mine when I had a blog... but I hope you're well and maybe we can chat/skype some time... let me know; we haven't talked in a long time. :)

have fun, bud!

Tedi said...

I'm so glad that you decided to blog again. I have been wondering how med school was going. I too get overwhelmed by others wit and beauty in their blogs, but we are who we are and that is fantastic. Good luck on your boards!